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Commento di 425801

Funny name, sounds a bit like Arschloch, what in German means a**hole.

Commento di 364076

If you happen to be around this guy at a certain time every year, you will be witness to the most amazing spectacle in the history of everything. The time at which this event occurs is completely random and only lasts for what any normal person would perceive to be a fraction of a second, but in that short amount of time, enough awesomeness to melt the faces of Chuck Norris, Saurfang, and that guy on the corner of your street that sells lawn chairs is released upon the world.

The event in question is very hard to be viewed- some might call it impossible. But with careful diligence and determination, you will succeed. The show begins when Guard Ashlock quickly slows time to a snail's pace by merely doing the most epic break dance ever. He then proceeds to construct an awesome motorcycle in record time using only a shoe and a Falcon Punch. Just because he can, he punches flame decals on the sides and installs a toaster complete with cable and a hot tub. He then mounts his sweet ride and proceeds to do the moonwalk while riding it. After putting Micheal Jackson to shame with his sweet skills, he launches his motorcycle to the sky and does an epic jump over a volcano complete with theme music, fireworks, and soft drinks at the competitive price of 99 cents. This jump is finished with him blowing up Neptune with a 360-wheelie-backwards-inverted-flaming umbrella handstand off of your mom's car which then leads to him high-fiving a Unicorn while destroying a guitar by playing an awesome solo on it. He then proceeds to land his trick in the ocean but he doesn't sink because the ocean and him are buds. The ocean then proceeds to give him a fruit smoothie for being awesome and Guard Ashlock thanks the ocean by destroying pollution in it with a grenade he made out of his legendary-aura. After absorbing the deliciousness of the smoothie - he's too awesome to drink it - He slaps a rocket engine onto his ride and flies back to his post in Redridge. After arriving, he loans Saurfang his bike so Saurfang can try to be as awesome as him and then quickly returns time back to normal...until next time.

Guard Ashlock

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