My complaint about Lord Varok Saurfang, Sr.

Messaggio di Hyperspacerebel

I doubtlessly can't let Lord Varok Saurfang, Sr.'s misinformation and misguided arguments about racialism go by without comment. Let's get down to business: We must put inexorable pressure on Saurfang to be a bit more careful about what he says and does. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time. So don't tell me that his myrmidons favor a lifestyle that is as raucous as his opinions just because he habitually reads negative meanings into innocuous remarks. Some people have compared cheeky, cranky protestors to litigious wiseacres. I would like to take the comparison one step further: He keeps saying that laws are meant to be broken. In such statements, as in most of his propaganda, there are major omissions and layers of codswallop wrapped around a small piece of the truth. The real story is that Saurfang has reinvented himself as a deplorable, ridiculous undesirable. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that he wants to alter, rewrite, or ignore past events to make them consistent with his current "reality". Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom then you should be working with me to defy him.

Nobody wants Saurfang to rob us of our lives, our health, our honor, and our belongings but Saurfang insists on doing it anyway. It must be nice to live in his little world, where the sun shines, the birds chirp merrily, and reality never rears its ugly head, right? Right. No one likes being attacked by brutal lunkheads. Even worse, Saurfang exploits our fear of those attacks—which he claims will evolve within a short period of time into biological, chemical, or nuclear attacks—as a pretext to strip people of their rights to free expression and individuality. If you think that's scary, then you should remember that I've tried to explain to Saurfang's obnoxious brethren that those who stand too close to the canvas of history while it is being woven may erroneously conclude that Saurfang's rejoinders are Right with a capital R. As could be expected, they were a bit slow on the uptake. I just couldn't get them to comprehend that there is no place in this country where we are safe from Saurfang's blackshirts, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack.

Following this line of logic, it would appear that ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Saurfang would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being mutinous. My position is that he is unfit to hold any responsible position in government or anywhere else. Saurfang, in contrast, argues that power, politics, and privilege should prevail over the rule of law. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and Saurfang. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for him to admit that if he is incapable of discerning the mad ramblings of pushy, phlegmatic cowards from the wisdom and nuance embedded in a sage's discourse then I seriously doubt that he'll be capable of determining that he believes that it is everyone's obligation to perpetuate harmful stereotypes. That view is anathema to the cause of liberty. If it is not loudly refuted our future will be dire indeed.

Saurfang has hatched all sorts of repressive, salacious plans. Remember his attempt to wage a clandestine guerilla war against many basic human rights? No? That's because Saurfang is so good at concealing his cruel, shiftless activities.

If you were to ask Saurfang, he'd say that he doesn't remember breaking down our communities. Not only does Saurfang have a very selective memory, but he demands that his prognoses be discussed in only the most positive light. To ensure that this demand is met, Saurfang sends his army of ill-bred phonies after anyone who fails to show the utmost deference when planting big, wet, sloppy kisses on Saurfang's behind. Still, we shouldn't jump to conclusions, even though it is a known fact that there are arguments that have made respectable people out of prevaricators like him. (Yes, letting him prostrate the honor, power, independence, laws, and property of entire countries sends a clear message to demented barbarians that they can break us up into a set of quarreling, wrangling, squabbling factions, but that's a different story.)

Teetotalism has impaired Saurfang's ability to think straight. So please permit me to appropriate and paraphrase something I once heard: "Saurfang is laughing up his sleeve at us." Simplism is dangerous. His biased version of it is doubly so.

Some batty big-mouths actually suspect that Saurfang has his moral compass in tact. This is the kind of muddled thinking that Saurfang is encouraging with his notions. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as presumptuous, malign nudniks.

Finding the best way to delegitimize Saurfang is a challenging problem indeed. We must therefore tackle this problem with more determination, more tenacity, and more fanaticism than it has ever been tackled before. Only then will people realize that one of the great mysteries of modern life is, What demons possessed Saurfang to steal our birthrights? The answer to that question has broad implications. For example, Saurfang's most steadfast claim is that he would never dream of preventing me from sleeping soundly at night. If there were any semblance of truth in this, I would be the last to say anything against it. As it stands, however, misoneism is a growing threat to society and should be outlawed. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it. At a bare minimum, Saurfang's vengeful ravings stand as our generation's most prominent monument to extremism. I will now cite the proof of that statement. The proof begins with the observation that if Saurfang can give us all a succinct and infallible argument proving that he has achieved sainthood, I will personally deliver his Nobel Prize for Puerile Rhetoric. In the meantime, if Saurfang's ballyhoos get any more lewd, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep.

Though I don't doubt the depth of Saurfang's sentiments, it's rather the form of his expressions that I find both delusional and disrespectful. People used to think I was exaggerating whenever I said that Saurfang gives his most banal statements an appearance of profundity by utilizing polysyllabic words such as "characteristicalness" and "floccinaucinihilipilification". After seeing Saurfang treat anyone who doesn't agree with him to a torrent of vitriol and vilification these same people now realize that I wasn't exaggerating at all. In fact, they even realize that if history follows its course, it should be evident that whenever anyone states the obvious—that ignorant and highly emotional persons are frequently swayed by Saurfang's bombast and fustian—discussion naturally progresses towards the question, "Does Saurfang contend that longiloquent troublemakers have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us because it fits his political agenda or because he's too ignorant of the facts to know that common sense should render unwarranted any claim that he is a man of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one who often sacrifices his own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly matter?" While that question may not be as profound as "What's the meaning of life?" or "Is there a God?", I have never been in favor of being gratuitously coprophagous. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences.

It's easy enough to hate Saurfang any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that Saurfang is up to, things that ought to make a real Saurfang-hater out of you. First off, he would have us believe that anyone who disagrees with him is a potential terrorist. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject. It's undeniably a tragedy that his goal in life is apparently to rule with an iron fist. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that Saurfang intends to create a new social class. Villainous paranoiacs, crapulous perverts, and shambolic profiteers will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their confreres. Many the things I've talked about in this letter are obvious. We all know they're true. But still it's necessary for us to say them because Lord Varok Saurfang, Sr. should get off his pedestal and walk a day in our shoes.