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War is Hell, Part 5
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Post by
Adamsm
I've never thought the Horde and Alliance should be at war any longer. In all honesty, with the multitude of threats out there: Old Gods, Rogue Titans, Corrupted Dragon's, The Legion, the Scourge, they should be working together to deal with that long before they worry about settling old scores.
Post by
389776
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Post by
Skreeran
Well, don't forget Burx... The Horde isn't exactly spotless either.
Post by
Adamsm
Joang, you realize those "humans" were members of the Twilight Hammer right? Same as the "Orc's" that attacked the Humans.
Post by
389776
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Post by
Adamsm
Well on the flip side; not like many orc's respect the humans, you still see orc's with the same idea of Human's as their forefathers; Weak, pathetic dirt grubbers who don't deserve what they have.
The hatred goes both ways, and of the two, the Human's is justified, after all, the Orc's invaded their lands, killed their leader, destroyed one of the greatest cities of humankind on the planet. Yes this was all done due to the Legion's intereference, Sargeras-Medivh and Kil'jaeden and Gul'dan on Draenor, but still.....
(And sorry Skreeran heh, didn't mean to go this far off-topic.))
Post by
451455
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389776
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Post by
236602
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Post by
Skreeran
Finally, a brown haired human in grayish armour
"Brown" hair and "grey" armor?... One of us must be color-blind....As far as I know, brown and grey are both colors. Perhaps I could have used more descriptive terms like "brunette" or "dull grey," but I don't think it makes that big of a deal.
"Lord Varian! The Horde are attacking!" A captain cried, running into the room."Lord"? Lord is a lower rank compared to King, and calling your king by his first name was a death penalty in some places....
You should replace it with "Your Majesty", "King Wrynn", or "Your Highness".According to dictionary.com:
lord
/lɔrd/
–noun
1. a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler.Lord would be applicable here. Don't forget, in real life, gods are frequently refered to as "Lord." I just used it to show deference there. Lord is a pretty general term, I believe it is applicable here.
Anyway, you wanted to know my opinion on this, right?
Hmm... Well, first off, many of the characters are out of character.... for example, I think you confused Varian with Blackmoore...
Garrosh is way to calm, the Alliance looks like Nazis, and the script does not sound like somthing Blizzard would use.Well, I used Varian as I interpret him. I did my best to make sure he seemed like a person who really did love his people, and wasn't afraid to do anything to do what is best for them. I even tried to show that it was a huge decision to give that order, something that wasn't pretty, but had to be done. As for Garrosh, I did change him a little... I tried to show him as a little less one-dimensional, giving him some reasons for his behavior. As for the Alliance looking like Nazis, don't forget, the Horde forces attacking Elwynn are using blight and burning entire villages. The idea was to show that both sides have horrible people that will do horrible things in war.
BUT, you clearly put a lot of effort into this, and I can respect that.
The setting, for example, is simply amazing. Not to much time spent on it like Golden, and there acctualy
is
a setting, some thing Knaak sucks at. Its short and sweet, like Rosenburg.
And it is a pretty sad and touching story, but thats probobly just because you killed every main character...
If I had to rate this, I would give it 7/10.Thanks. I find that sad stories are what I write best, and in writing I tried to show that neither side comes out better off because of the war. Both sides have innocent people that are hurt because of it, and people frequently ignore that.
Good to have a critical review, though.
Post by
440334
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Post by
Skreeran
You sir, are an Artist, and nothing less. I would raise my drink in a toast to your genius but i'm too lazy to go get one. Extremely good story though, you could make a lot of money writing like that.Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it... :)
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