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I like monkeys
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Post by
oddbrown
This was posted on my guild forum today.
I laughed so hard that people in my office began to look strangely at me (yes I read the forums at work when I'm bored and not busy)!
I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece.
I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece.
I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home.
I have a big car.
I let one of them drive.
His name was Sigmund.
He was retarded.
In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals.
I laughed.
They punched me in the genitals.
I stopped laughing.
When I got home, I herded them into my room.
They didn't adapt very well to their new environment.
They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.
Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died.
No apparent reason.
They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.
God
damn
cheap
monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room;
on the bed,
in the dresser,
hanging from my bookcase.
It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet.
It didn't work.
It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals.
That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.
It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber.
I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.
I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.
I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable.
I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, and the odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom.
So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.
I felt better.
I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates.
I told him I had a wet one.
He couldn't take it either.
I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution:
I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't quite know what to say.
They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.
Ingrates.
So I punched them in the genitals.
God, I like monkeys.
Post by
Simmi
Hehe :) "God, I like monkeys."
Post by
89659
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149424
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119112
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95916
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193932
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Post by
Abraxxes
EPIC!
Post by
178811
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Post by
voracity
Messenger: Choose your next words carefully, Leonidas. They may be your last as king.
King Leonidas: "Earth and water"?
Messenger: Madman! You're a madman!
King Leonidas: Earth and water? You'll find plenty of both down there.
Messenger: No man, Persian or Greek, no man threatens a messenger!
King Leonidas: You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!
Messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
King Leonidas: Madness...?
King Leonidas: This is Epic!
Post by
AdInfinitum
at first i thought it was gonna be stupid. Then it was like BAM IM EPIC.
Post by
194596
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Post by
Random0214
Whoa, this is awesome
Post by
168811
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
oddbrown
Legendary.
...and yet still missing Queggy!
Post by
168811
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Queggy
/humming and strolling along
/gets yanked up in the air by a trap
Oh noes! I've been captured!
Post by
168811
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
oddbrown
So what do we do with him now that we have him?
He'd better not die like those damn cheap monkeys!
Post by
Random0214
Success!
Que cheesy victory music.
Cue
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