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Wife refuses to allow me gametime
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Post by
Katsurugi
Hello, my name is James. I live in South Texas and i have a 20 yo. Wife and a 9 month old child. I have been playing WoW since Vanilla and it has been such a emotional rollercoaster lately with us and i felt the need to say something and get some opinions...I'm sure this topic has been talked to death but i need to get something out and hear some things, think of it as a "Social Experiment" or just a opinion needed ...Okay....here it goes.
My life since i was introduced to WoW was great, i played for years, while holding a very steady social life and a job(s). I used to play everyday for hours, now it's gone down to maybe once a month....(Yes it's gotten that bad). My wife tells me she hates when i play games because i don't do anything else...I don't clean, i don't take care of my daughter, i don't pay attention to her..(She has no job or much of a social circle) A few nights back she told me that she isn't ever going to be happy with me and all that jazz...which sucks because i feel like i love her, otherwise i wouldn't of married her. but anyways, i asked her in the car today (Girl is her, Guy is me)
Guy
: "Girl Let me ask you a question, and be honest 100%",
Girl
: "Yeah?",
Guy
: "How much would you hate it on a scale from 1-10 if i went back to playing WoW?"
Girl
: "Honestly?...A 10"
Guy
: "Why do you feel that way?"....And this is where the reasons i mentioned above came from...I hate how much she is against it and i don't know if its just she wants me to follow her every command or idk. I want her to be happy but i want to be happy....i was listening to the Wintergrasp Soundtrack and the Burning Crusade and Barrens(Original) Soundtracks in my car with her on the way home and i actually started tearing up with all my memories that were flying through my head...WoW has been a HUGE portion of my life that i want back...
Sorry this post is so huge but i figured it was nessicary to understand my situation...Give me your opinions and be honest please...Thank you :) - James...aka Kat
i will be monitoring and replying to thread throughout the night/day so i will respond :)(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##Please do not make back to back posts, especially just to bump the thread. If you have anything more to add when you are still the last responder, please use the edit button instead.
Post by
Katsurugi
See but the issue is she doesn't want me doing it at all, i will definitely try your suggestion though. She seems to have this thought of well he doesn’t need it...what he needs is me on her mind...and like i said in my post I’ve actually been pretty depressed today thinking about my roots disappearing like this. :/
Post by
Adamsm
If you are ignoring your family...time to give up the game. Or possibly only playing late at night when she's already gone to bed and you've already done all of the house work and the like that you should have been doing to help her out. If you want to play the game, then you should do things to make her feel good about it.
Post by
Katsurugi
If you are ignoring your family...time to give up the game. Or possibly only playing late at night when she's already gone to bed and you've already done all of the house work and the like that you should have been doing to help her out. If you want to play the game, then you should do things to make her feel good about it.
The thing is im not ignoring them, im always doing something with them, she doesn't complain if im laying there next to her or im sitting in the same room as her but if i'm doing anything that even leaves a chance for me to not pay attention to something she says or something she doesn't like me doing it. and i work 48+ hours a week so it's not like im always home...and it seems like that's starting to slowly become my only option but then she gets mad at me if she wakes up in the middle of the night and i'm on my computer instead of laying next to her. and what can i do to make her feel good about something she absolutely despises?
It seems like she doesn't understand how important it is to you, you'll need to make it clear to her that it genuinely makes you happy, and taking that away from you is to take away one of the things that make you happy in life. I know that's pretty basic but it may be the case that she doesn't quite understand that as of yet.
I hope this helps
I think i've had this talk with her but maybe i need to try again...i really hope this is all she needs instead of her just not wanting me to have anything to do with it and not caring about my emotions. Thank you Hopesedge, I do too.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
Jkpman
It doesn't seem to me like WoW is the issue here.
I'd say your relationship already has problems and you going back to playing WoW would just be a focal point.
A few nights back she told me that she isn't ever going to be happy with me and all that jazz.
I think she sees you as the issue, not just the game. I'd concentrate more on what (if anything) you can do to fix the relationship, because one thing is certain, going back to WoW will just drive a wedge deeper between you.
Finally as a new mother she may be suffering from Postnatal depression, which has many symptoms. I'd advise doing a websearch and seeing for yourself.
Post by
Katsurugi
It doesn't seem to me like WoW is the issue here.
I'd say your relationship already has problems and you going back to playing WoW would just be a focal point.
A few nights back she told me that she isn't ever going to be happy with me and all that jazz.
I think she sees you as the issue, not just the game. I'd concentrate more on what (if anything) you can do to fix the relationship, because one thing is certain, going back to WoW will just drive a wedge deeper between you.
Finally as a new mother she may be suffering from Postnatal depression, which has many symptoms. I'd advise doing a websearch and seeing for yourself.
I completely agree in what your referring to when you say the issue is me in her eyes, that's what i was referring to...the other night she told me that she was never going to be happy with me and the reason she married me was mostly because of our daughter and only the memories of what we used to be when we first started. and we have done some little independent tests online on psych sites and stuff and have come up each time with borderline personality disorder and idk if that could result in this at its worse stages...but i'm not sure, we don't have money for finding out really :/
Post by
Spinkert
A few nights back she told me that she isn't ever going to be happy with me and all that jazz.
That is very sad to hear. To be honest, that spells 'end of relationship' to me. She married you for all the wrong reasons. It sounds like she is realising it and is perhaps using manipulation and guilt to make you as unhappy as she is.
Post by
Katsurugi
A few nights back she told me that she isn't ever going to be happy with me and all that jazz.
That is very sad to hear. To be honest, that spells 'end of relationship' to me. She married you for all the wrong reasons. It sounds like she is realising it and is perhaps using manipulation and guilt to make you as unhappy as she is.
but you know what makes me really confused is the fact she cried during our wedding, she is all nice late at night during bed time for the most part and she is all smiles at times...idk but then there are other times where she's just mean and cruel and void of all emotion...not sure why :/ and her moods swing so insanely i didn't think it was possible in a normal person. but i understand what your saying Spinkert and i appreciate the post :) thanks.
Post by
Jkpman
but you know what makes me really confused is the fact she cried during our wedding, she is all nice late at night during bed time for the most part and she is all smiles at times...idk but then there are other times where she's just mean and cruel and void of all emotion...not sure why :/ and her moods swing so insanely i didn't think it was possible in a normal person. but i understand what your saying Spinkert and i appreciate the post :) thanks.
Depression and personality disorders are exactly like that.
It can be treated with medication, and if that is the case you really have to understand it is not her fault.
If this is a per-existing condition, coupled with the stress of a new baby it will have been a very rough time for her.
Post by
MrSCH
*!@#ty situation to be in.
I'd play WoW anyway when you can, and when you can't be 100000% the nice guy. If she doesn't let you play WoW, don't be so nice. Be civil, icy civil. She might then start to associate you having a bit of WoW time with you being a nice guy....
Mind games.
Post by
SoCalWoWGal
I am sorry to hear of this situation that you are in. The amount of time that you spend playing WoW is merely a symptom of an underlying issue. While many of the users here can offer advice, I believe that professional help would be best for you and your family. I would encourage you to call 2-1-1 and ask for assistance in finding low cost or no cost mental health programs in your area.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Edit: I forgot to mention that the 2-1-1 service is available 24 hours a day for referrals for all kinds of human services needs that anyone may have. These services encompass many areas including mental health.
Post by
Katsurugi
but you know what makes me really confused is the fact she cried during our wedding, she is all nice late at night during bed time for the most part and she is all smiles at times...idk but then there are other times where she's just mean and cruel and void of all emotion...not sure why :/ and her moods swing so insanely i didn't think it was possible in a normal person. but i understand what your saying Spinkert and i appreciate the post :) thanks.
Depression and personality disorders are exactly like that.
It can be treated with medication, and if that is the case you really have to understand it is not her fault.
If this is a per-existing condition, coupled with the stress of a new baby it will have been a very rough time for her.
i would honestly understand if that ended up being the case. But the issue is right now we can't really find out because i don't have the money to get her seen by a professional. and so it continues. At least once a day she says i'm fed up i'm done. :/ and it's really upsetting. so idk...And
*!@#ty situation to be in.
I'd play WoW anyway when you can, and when you can't be 100000% the nice guy. If she doesn't let you play WoW, don't be so nice. Be civil, icy civil. She might then start to associate you having a bit of WoW time with you being a nice guy....
Mind games.
That's a intresting mind set but she's dead set on what she wants. and what do you refer to with icy civil...give me a example please
I am sorry to hear of this situation that you are in. The amount of time that you spend playing WoW is merely a symptom of an underlying issue. While many of the users here can offer advice, I believe that professional help would be best for you and your family. I would encourage you to call 2-1-1 and ask for assistance in finding low cost or no cost mental health programs in your area.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Thank you Socal, I think i will look into that, i've never thought of using them as a resource for some reason. I hope this all comes out well.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
508201
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Katsurugi
To be blunt James, post-partum depression is quote common in new moms.
My sister went through it and so did my Mom.
You really need to be supportive of her with a new baby in the house.
Taking a break from WoW isnt going to hurt you and will do nothing but improve your relationship with your wife and baby.
I'd play WoW anyway when you can, and when you can't be 100000% the nice guy. If she doesn't let you play WoW, don't be so nice. Be civil, icy civil. She might then start to associate you having a bit of WoW time with you being a nice guy....
Mind games.
This is not a good suggestion by any means.
I havent played WoW since our daughter was born, so she can't quite say i haven't been there. She's 9 months old. i just got on a hour ago for a whole hour of playing before i need to crash out and go to sleep for work today. so idk :/
Post by
Maurvyn
It honestly sounds like there are significant other issues in the relationship; IMHO these need addressing before you consider whether or not to risk it all on a game.
Post-partem depression may definitely be a factor; however, do not assume that the problem all stems from her mental illness.
Too many men use "women problems" as a crutch and scapegoat so that they don't have to work at fixing their own issues.
Couples counseling or something similar really sounds like a good idea. Some family planning or local assistance groups may have some programs available for you that are low or no cost.
And by no means should you consider the kind of mental warfare suggested above. No relationship should be based on dishonesty and mind games.
You are an adult, not a middle school drama queen. Those tactics are the hallmark of a selfish and immature person, one who will ultimately fail at any committed relationship, and I have only pity for the people who continue them into their adult lives.
I have been happily married 16 years, and have 2 kids. I am not a counselor or therapist, but I have a little experience.
Any good relationship takes work and communication. You have to be able to work these things out with your spouse, and to be able to have an open dialogue without anyone getting angry or resentful. If you can't even handle this sort of minor issue without fighting, what happens when real issues come up?
Ultimately, it boils down to priorities.
WoW is a game. Yeah it's a lot of fun.
But ten years from now (if WoW's even still around) would you rather have a lvl 150 Rogue who pwns noobs at deeps; or a healthy relationship with your wife and the mother of your daughter?
Post by
gnomerdon
What does a gnome have to offer?
I'll be upfront, there are a few types of women, who don't work, don't go to school, and barely cooks. She stays home all day, watches the baby. And when you get home, after a 8 hour workload and exhausted, she tells you to do the dishes, clean up, and probably cook for her, along with yelling at you for being worthless and pathetic, and while during the night, she expects you to watch the baby if she ever wakes up and change the daipers, because, "she spent the whole day watching her." Work life is usually very stressful for most people, and coming home is a way to unwind, but more often, coming home is even worse than work life. I'm not sure if this what ur going through, but if you are, I feel for you.
Anyways, here's what I would do. Counseling
men, along with women have a lot of pride, so since we're all animals, the moment the other opposition speaks out, most people are too headstrong to compromise, and the relationship is even worse. There needs to be a mediator, to manage the time, so that both parties will be happy. That's why counseling is the best choice, because both parties are neutral, and the counselor is the one doing the talking.
if you work 8 hours, eat for 3 hours (breakfast, lunch, dinner), commute for 1 hour, you still have 12 hours left.
8 hours will be used for sleep, 2 hours for chores, mail, bills, and the other 2 hours can be invested into WoW.
If WoW makes you happy, just manage ur time, and enjoy it. When I'm not feeling too well, I just go outside, sit outside, and just look at my backyard.....alone. It's a way for me to unwind.
You have to compromise with her, because if she's the one that gets everything that she wants, then you won't be happy. But you have to make sure you are holding your daughter, have her sit on ur lap, play with her, be interactive with her while you are playing Warcraft. I would put your warcraft time at the same time with babysitting the baby. So you can spend time with her, talk to her, play with her, make her smile. She is the main priority. The moment she was born, you forfeit and submit to her. She is now ur life, and it is ur job to care for her, love her, and cherish her as much as you love yourself.
In conclusion, I'm gonna say what I should probably say. if the wife isn't happy because you are playing Warcraft, then don't play warcraft. Warcraft is just a game. You have a daughter and a wife that needs your attention every single minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, because that's how media has changed our perspective. I rather forfeit the game than to forfeit my daughter. If I ever had a daughter.
When playing warcraft alone, ur wife is angry because you do nothing
When babysitting the baby, ur mind is always thinking about warcraft and nostalgic feelings.
The only solution: play warcraft while the baby sits on ur lap, talk to her. Tell her the names of this monster, the zone, the song name. Talk to her and engage her, and most importantly, try to make her laugh or smile....
Post by
Shadoed
Seriously WTH?
Is this a 'Dear Dorothy' forum now?
Haven't read all replies, but if the original post isn't some crazy made up story to grab attention, which it reads like, then all i can say is man up! You have a family and responsibilities, get some priority going in your life and stop asking random people how you should deal with your wife....damn!
I cannot believe for one second that someone would have any doubt about whether to choose a game over family?
Post by
gnomerdon
I get where ur coming from,
But women, i'll be honest, most women don't like to compromise. But EVERYONE, including hard working men needs a form of recess at least 1 hour a day to relax and be in their happy zone.
I refuse to give women the halo effect. They are humans just like us, she should be able to compromise and find an arrangement! At least 30 minutes a day should be enough for this man, or maybe a hour. If he's pushing for 2-3 hours of gametime per day, then I don't support that.
Whether this is a attention grabber or not, this story is similar to many married American men right now. It might not be related to gaming, but probably something else, like woodworking, outdoor hunting, hanging out with friends once a year. etc.
Post by
PhantomScourge
Try getting her hooked on WoW.
Post by
584547
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
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