This site makes extensive use of JavaScript.
Please enable JavaScript in your browser.
Live
PTR
10.2.7
PTR
10.2.6
Beta
Wife refuses to allow me gametime
Post Reply
Return to board index
Post by
Maurvyn
I never understood why people are so uptight about MMO's. These same people will obsess over some horrible faux-reality TV show; or get half naked and paint themselves in pretty, sparkly colors to go watch a bunch of muscular men in tights and shoulder pads grope each other over a metaphoric testicle.
But somehow video games are embarassing?
If she is amenable she should try it out. My wife and I have played together since we first started in 2007. We know many other couples who play together. Our whole guild is practically couples. One couple plays together, but he plays SCII and she plays WoW, but they chat together all the time, now that you can do that.
But I think the OP and his wife should work out the basics of the relationship first, then worry about how they spend their leisure time.
Post by
Azrile
The problem isn´t with the game, or your hobbies, it is with your relationship. If you aren´t keeping your partner happy, then that is the problem, not what you are doing in your spare time.
Post by
gnomerdon
i know exactly how to fix the relationship
;)
time, patience, and proper communication.
Post by
719222
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Pathstrider
I bet she is quite happy to sit around watching TV. Pretty hypocritical if she does.
Post by
Monday
I see it this way: if you have a family, you need to make time for them, not vice versa. If your family feels like the game is hurting them, then it's time to drop it until things change.
I bet she is quite happy to sit around watching TV. Pretty hypocritical if she does.
I see no evidence for this, anywhere. Nice ad hominem, though.
Post by
ZeniaChan
The divorce rate in the U.S. is at an all-time high, and this is one of the reasons: Lack of freedom. Being shackled to a spouse and a family and being unable to explore new (or return to old) hobbies.
She needs to know that playing WoW will make you happy, and with her not allowing you any time at all to play, you feel unhappy. If this doesn't get through her head, and she doesn't seem to care about your feelings enough to even try to work out a compromise, you're probably headed for a divorce (or stuck in a miserable marriage.) Seeing as this might happen with any hobby you try to take up, and not just WoW, it's probably not worth continuing if the two of you are just going to fight. Hopefully it is just post-partum depression and it will pass, and not be a permanent thing, so at least give it a chance. You aren't being selfish by asking to spend 1-2 hours each day on a hobby.
Ideally, however, she would take up the same hobby and play with you. That's how marriages are solidified, by having common interests and hobbies and spending time together doing the things you love. (well, until the guild dramaz happen and she starts sleeping with your guild's main tank, then leaves you for them...haha jk xD but that sort of thing has happened to some marriages before...usually there are warning signs for that, though.) Of course, this is also why I'm single...I want more than just a family wife, dammit...I want someone to watch anime and play MMOs and Pokemon with! And like, go to conventions and wear crazy costumes and have fun adventures together. Otherwise I know I won't be happy...no matter how much I bond with or care about a person.
Anyway, I wish you good luck in sorting out your problems...I hope it's just a temporary depression phase that will pass eventually. Keep your fingers crossed.
Post by
235245
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
gnomerdon
It is very important to remember that Women are not logical. I don't mean to imply that they are incapable of logic but in an argument a woman is much more likely to argue from her "heart" rather than her "brain". (disclaimer* I am not calling women dumber than men or implying that men are superior thinkers only that men, usually, argue from a place of logic and women argue from an emotional place) this is why you cannot win. She doesn't care how "wrong" she is all she knows is WoW makes her FEEL "this way". Therefore no logic will reach her.
I just casted power word: shield on you bro. I have lay on hands ready too at my disposal, prepare for the wave!
It's COMING!
Post by
ZeniaChan
Oh also, I want to point out that video games aren't a waste of time. There have been studies that show that they actually improve cognitive abilities, reaction time, and eye-hand coordination. This could come in handy for us gamers during a time of crisis. It's common for people (especially mothers) to say that games are useless hobbies that don't serve any purpose other than entertainment, and that education and hard work is infinitely better, as boring as it is...but it's simply not true. Education and hard work are important, but video games have useful purposes as well.
In fact, there are teachers now that have started an experimental program where their lessons include having students play games like Guild Wars 2 to practice teamwork and strategy together. Yes, with actual games, not crappy edutainment titles.
Post by
Monday
It is very important to remember that Women are not logical. I don't mean to imply that they are incapable of logic but in an argument a woman is much more likely to argue from her "heart" rather than her "brain". (disclaimer* I am not calling women dumber than men or implying that men are superior thinkers only that men, usually, argue from a place of logic and women argue from an emotional place) this is why you cannot win. She doesn't care how "wrong" she is all she knows is WoW makes her FEEL "this way". Therefore no logic will reach her.
This is the neckbeardiest thing I've read today.
And I'm subbed to r/justneckbeardthings. This is impressive.
Post by
Adamsm
You my friend have a very insecure wife.
I have a masters degree in Relationship Psychology/Human Sexuality as well as a lot of experience in a similar situation.
She, like most women her age, wants to be the sole source of your happiness. See, when a woman sees a man having fun without her, they think "he is
choosing
something
over
me" when in reality of course, there are many different areas of life that bring people happiness. I am assuming that your wife doesn't have a lot of friends and probably doesn't have a hobby...
This will be a VERY difficult thing to overcome.
That said, the fact that you are tearing up at the thought of WoW sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with it. You show many symptoms of low to mid level addiction. When away from WoW at the insistence of another it is normal to want to play but to become literally emotional about it is not healthy. You need to tell her that you ARE GOING TO PLAY but that because you love her, you are willing to make a deal with her. only during certain hours only on certain days. only when the kids are with grandma and grandpa... something.
If she absolutely refuses you need to attempt reason with questions like "When you forbid me from playing WoW it makes me feel like you don't want me to ever have fun. I don't go out to the bar with my boys, I don't go to strip clubs, I don't do drugs, I am not a sports freak. All I want is a couple hours here and there to enjoy a video game. Why is that so wrong to you?" If you are still met with total opposition, you may be looking at a MUCH larger issue.
Problem is, your wife sees wow as naught but a dumb little game. She does not and will not understand how nice it is to remove yourself from real life for a while and shoot goblins with fireballs.
It is very important to remember that Women are not logical. I don't mean to imply that they are incapable of logic but in an argument a woman is much more likely to argue from her "heart" rather than her "brain". (
disclaimer* I am not calling women dumber than men or implying that men are superior thinkers only that men, usually, argue from a place of logic and women argue from an emotional place
) this is why you cannot win. She doesn't care how "wrong" she is all she knows is WoW makes her FEEL "this way". Therefore no logic will reach her.
Long story short try to reason with her, reinforce to her that you love her and love her company but as with most people you ALSO enjoy other things, like video games. If that fails... I worry for the staying power of your marriage. Denying someone their passions, unfortunately, has diminishing returns.
I would hate to see someone "pop their trinket" on a marriage that's been "kidney shot", But it happens.
Good luck friend.
So much wrong in this post.
Post by
Ryndir
Katsurugi,
You have to ask yourself which is more important to you: a family or a virtual avatar? A family should be the obvious choice; however, I can completely understand the grievance from both sides. I have been playing this game for such a long time that quitting would be extremely difficult; therefore, I would attempt to find a happy medium that works for both of you.
This will be really hard because she does not work. If she did, then you could get some time on the game during her work hours. You could work something into your schedule where you could get a few hours in the later hours of the night (9pm+) or earlier in the morning.
I wish you the best of luck! :)
Sincerely,
Ryndir
<Wowhead User>
Post by
PhantomScourge
I have a masters degree in Relationship Psychology
That's about as meaningful and useful when dealing with real-world situations as a degree in Bigfoot, Healing Crystals, or young-Earth Creationism.
I see it this way: if you have a family, you need to make time for them, not vice versa.
You chose to get married and start a family. Family comes first.
You seem to be missing an important part of the situation. This isn't a situation where the OP is spending 2 or 3 or 8 hours a day playing WoW. For her,
no time at all is acceptable
, not even 30 seconds out of the year. This is a situation in which he is
already giving her enough
attention, but she is demanding
all
of it.
Post by
1220584
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Monday
This is a situation in which he is already giving her enough attention, but she is demanding all of it.
How do you know he's giving her enough attention? All we have is the OP's word.
And, quite frankly, marriage means concessions. If that means you can't play WoW... well, it's time to find another game.
edit: lore is quite deep and quite interesting.
was*
Cata and Mists have screwed the lore to no end.
Post by
calilac
Honestly, it sounds less about her being angry at the game and more about how much your wife needs friends. Someone to talk to, anyway, other than you. It doesn't have to be a magical sparkly friendship where they confide their deepest secrets, just someone else to talk to. A group hobby. Volunteering time. A playdate group (maybe for future consideration, 9 months is still a bit young for that). Community of some sort to get her out of her own head. It's not your responsibility to make sure she has them because she has to want them but I'm willing to bet she'd be a lot happier if she did have them. I've been an introvert for most of my life and keep social circles small but when I fell deep into post partum depression (it sounds like your wife may be there too with the mood swings, depression, and isolation) for a couple years after having my kid and it was tough without a support network. Network being the key word here, it can't be just one person (which seems to be you, OP) because that one person gets ALL of it. That one person is the target for all the needs and wants, positive (I love you soooooooooooooo much) and negative (I'm so angry and I don't know why but you're the only one here so have it all), and that destroys relationships. After I finally reached out to friends, family, empathetic co-workers, and even a few guildies (started WoW about 3 months after having the munchkin) I started to gradually feel better and taught myself to cope in more proactive ways rather than lashing out at my husband.
Post by
1222947
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
193475
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Aveani
My boyfriend hates WoW but I have played the game for many years and refuse to stop playing. However I will happily compromise and put the game down if he feels I'm spending too much time on it. Reading your earlier posts (I did not read everything) I would 100% suggest speaking to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Many insurance companies will pay for a few sessions, if you have insurance please look into it. I would suggest speaking to your families as well for some help with money to at least get her seen, mental health is
extremely
important.
I'm only a psychology student with a lot more school ahead of me but her situation sounds a bit abnormal, including the usual mood fluctuations with having children. WoW is only a side issue to the much bigger one you have here, I would highly suggest trying to work with your wife in exploring potential disorders she may have (such as depression and personality). WoW is a good escape from reality, but it seems your reality is far too important to put aside right now. Also reflect on what she has said about your relationship. It may be her own confused thoughts talking or it may be the underlying truth of her feelings finally coming out. Explore and understand how you feel in the relationship and make a decision if it would be best to stay together or to stay apart.
Edit,
as a side note. WoW is still and only a game. Like any game, it will end one day. Do not make WoW your life, that is just silly.
Post Reply
You are not logged in. Please
log in
to post a reply or
register
if you don't already have an account.