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Brother problems... :/
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Post by
ElhonnaDS
IMO, you should give him back better than he gave.
1) Have her erase everything on his phone- contacts,message history, browsing history, etc. Tell him it's to protect his privacy.
2) Remind him A) that the law covers disclosure of the information, not discovery of it, so she could have read them all she wants, and B) That, as a minor, he's incapable of having a phone contract. In addition, as a minor he doesn't actually have the ability to own property, I believe, so if your grandmother is your legal guardian, she owns everything in his room.
3) Have her sell his phone, once it's been purged of all information, to drive the point home. Remind him that, per the law he quoted, she's putting herself at risk by allowing him to have the cell phone, since she might accidentally slip and repeat something she heard, and she wants to minimize the risk to herself. If he starts in, have her sell his I-touch too. Keep repeating with electronic devices until he understands that he is not in charge of the situation. If she's not your legal guardian, have your parents do it.
I'm not a fan of overly punishing your kids, normally, but it sounds like in your situation, your brother feels that he has the position of authority in the house. I'm not sure if the grandmother is feeding that idea or not, but he needs to be shut down hard. Kids need to understand authority or they'll never respect it, and that will cause him so many more problems in life than missing a phone for a few months. If it's done right, he'll get mad, he'll get enraged, and then he'll realize he has no power over the situation, and needs to play by the rules to stop losing his toys.
Post by
138638
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
gamerunknown
Have her sell his phone, once it's been purged of all information,
Isn't the only way to be absolutely certain of that a DeGauss? My sister bought a phone online and every now and then "deleted" photos emerge of the previous teenage owner, along with text messages meant for the last owner as well. I'd also be wary about deleting stuff like that on a SmartPhone which could contain information ranging from drug deals to suicidal thoughts to homework assignments (covering all the bases there).
Post by
ElhonnaDS
@ Gamer- then she should put it in the garbage disposal. My primary focus here is that the kid needs to be taught that he can't try to bully his way out of discipline.
Post by
Patty
I'm not a fan of overly punishing your kids, normally, but it sounds like in your situation, your brother feels that he has the position of authority in the house. I'm not sure if the grandmother is feeding that idea or not, but he needs to be shut down hard. Kids need to understand authority or they'll never respect it, and that will cause him so many more problems in life than missing a phone for a few months. If it's done right, he'll get mad, he'll get enraged, and then he'll realize he has no power over the situation, and needs to play by the rules to stop losing his toys.
Basically... this. However, the fact that he's like this at
fifteen
speaks volumes about the discipline he's had and about his maturity. I don't really know if anything done now will be too late, but you may as well try. Your grandmother should probably clearly lay down the house rules, and if he refuses to adhere, go from there with some of the things suggested. I won't support smacking at this point though, simply because I personally think that as long as there is a non-violent alternative to discipline, that should be used.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I wouldn't recommend any physical discipline either- especially not at 15. Things like loss of freedom, and taking away electronics, will have a much larger impact. Also, it's more of a direct cause and effect- He attempted to manipulate/threaten your grandmother to get the cell phone back, now the cell phone is gone for good. It's easier to get a child to understand that the punishment is a direct result of their actions when it's connected.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
Sorry to double post, but I found this, and thought it was great:
http://parenting.failblog.org/2011/10/07/crazy-parenting-fails-and-now-everyone-in-this-safeway-parking-lot-will-know/
Perfect example of punishing a teenager in a way that is directly connected to what they've done.
Also, one of the comments had the perfect response to the OP's brother:
My mom was at the forefront of the “I’ll call the cops on you!” generation. We used that threat. Once.
All Mom said was “Go ahead, and tell them whatever you like, I’ll swear it’ all true. Then I’ll go to jail where they’ll cook for me and clean clothes for me and I won’t have to do anything and I’ll actually have CABLE, while you’ll go to a foster home. If you’re lucky, they’ll only have cockroaches and not rats.”
Post by
OverZealous
Sorry to double post, but I found this, and thought it was great:
http://parenting.failblog.org/2011/10/07/crazy-parenting-fails-and-now-everyone-in-this-safeway-parking-lot-will-know/
Perfect example of punishing a teenager in a way that is directly connected to what they've done.
That's not at all a bad idea, actually.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
My brother- when he was like 7- got it into his head that he would take a sheet of the stickers from the store, after my mother told him she wouldn't buy it for him. She took him back to that store, and made him go in by himself, hand the stickers to the clerk, and apologise for taking them. She stood at the window to make sure he did it. He never stole anything again, because he was so embarassed.
Post by
Sweetscot
Is this fairly "normal" type behaviour for your brother or has he had a major shift in the way he acts recently? Did you guys recently move, have a change in your family situation, any major changes of any sort?
Normally I'd advocate something along the lines of Elhonna's suggestions, he does need those devices taken from him, but he also needs some help. Whether he's willing or not he will probably need some tutoring help to get those grades up. I'm just concerned if he's always been a boundary pusher it may be nothing, if he went from moderate grades to this suddenly though, what is behind it.
Post by
deathbyte
Send him away to a boot camp-like place to whip him into shape, if he can last that long.
Post by
Fwibbles
Threatening to call the police on grandma for taking away his phone for being a lazy-ass slob?
Your brother sounds like a brother I would beat into submission for being a ungrateful, careless, worthless, stick in the mud.
Either that, or talk some sense into him.
Judging by how I picture it, it might not work without, as other people said, a father figure.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
You don't need a father figure to have a strong authority figure in your life. I have had some friends with some tough old-school grandma's who would have beat the daylights out of them for threatening to call the cops over a phone. Not that I condone that, but I'm pointing out that someone doesn't have to be physically imposing to be able to assert the dominant role. Especially in the case where discipline is non-physical.
Being a stong disciplinary figure for your kids (or grandkids, if you're raising them) doesn't mean that you have to be able to kick their butts. It's about setting limits and holding your ground while enforcing them. It means understanding that discipline is love, and not feeling bad and rescinding an earned punishment just because they're whining or crying. It means that you don't let your kid overrule your decisions on what's best for him, or badger you in to getting them things that you think aren't good for them, or that you can't afford. It certainly means not letting them slide on breaking the rules because you don't want to deal with the attitude, or because they make some garbage claim about calling the cops.
Last time I checked, none of that required you to be a man.
Post by
ZombieJesus
He needs some tough love.
Else he's just gonna turn out a low life. One day he'll look back and go, 'fuaaaaark if my granny didn't kick my ass back then I'd be a underachieving male hooker in a town filled with straight people.'
Post by
MyTie
Last time I checked, none of that required you to be a man.
I think a father figure doesn't need to be a dude. No one said it did. This isn't a gender issue... ya know.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
Sorry- thought that was implied by the term "father" figure.
Post by
Sweetscot
Sorry- thought that was implied by the term "father" figure.
You aren't the only one.
I'm really trying not to read too much into some of the statements about "where's his dad" up there and fly off the handle...but it's getting difficult -.-
Post by
124027
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
613797
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Sweetscot
meh, grinding a phone helps no one, just take it away and lock it up...if you don't plan to give it back then ebay it or donate it.
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