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Kelari - The Bloodelf Priestess - (Story)
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Post by
Simples
This is my first attempt at written RP, or writing any story that is WoW related, I hope you enjoy it :)
The sun lazily highlighted orgrimmar in a gentle hue of red as the crowds simmered and sighs of relief from the working orc filled the air. Holding a small torch, an elderly orc strolled the perimeter of the valley of strength, and one by one lit beacons, giving everyone the scheduled confirmation that night was approaching.
A lone bloodelf priestess stood nervously by the bank, rolling a gold coin from head to tails in the palm of her hand. The grunts that passed her could feel her anxiety and shot her looks of suspicion.
She watched as the torch carrier approached her, hand in hand with fire. She realised that watching had turned into staring, as she noticed the orc looked uncomfortable, and quickly averted her gaze to the change in her hand.
She felt a warm burst of air flush her face, and looked up to see a freshly lit beacon, glowing with fury. Her eyes bored into the flames and she felt herself drifting into a trance, as if the answers to everything she tortured herself wondering, was announcing itself, but staying defiantly out of reach.
Why, why do I feel like this?
Nothing, just dancing flames, taunting her with their knowledge.
Averting her eyes from the beacon, Kelari glanced to her left, at the building she despised.
He will change everything
Before she could lose herself to an endless inner monologue of frustration, Kelari was interrupted.
“What is wrong with you?” The elderly orc asked bluntly.
Kelari flinched and looked at the orc, feeling embarrassed.
“Nothing is wrong with me” Kelari replied, reaching her hands up to her long white hair, and brushing stray strands from her face.
“I watched you look at the fire with more than just interest.” He said. “Do you doubt the warchief?”
Kelari looked into the orcs face, his brilliant blue eyes were kind. She sensed compassion and concern in his voice. There was no hostility here so she chose not to lie.
“My mind is restless.” She replied, lowering her gaze one again to her coin, still flipping it between her fingers. “I do not know where my doubts lie.”
“You are not alone young elf.” The orc let out a small grunt, before relighting his torch on the beacon. He nodded towards Kelari and continued his journey through the city.
------
The wind caressed the leaves and sent a gentle whisper through the forest of ashenvale. The elderly orcs words echoing, Kelari walked slowly between the trees. The words themselves were not so inciting, conversation with another was new enough. Kelari had become isolated over the recent months, losing herself in visions and trains of thought that would send her wandering through the night for hours at a time.
Tonight was one of those nights, Kelari was wasting time in her favourite place. Although a small war was being waged between the Orcs and the nightelves, there was still achres of forest untouched and uncorrupted by conflict. Kelari absorbed her beautiful surroundings, the violets and greens of the leaves intertwining majestically. Her long silken robes swept against the velvety grass as she walked.
Being within Ashenvale made Kelari feel close to her night elven heritage, this feeling goaded her with guilt and confusion.
The whispers seemed to stop and Kelari stood still. Immediately feeling uneasy, Kelari pulled her long silver staff from its sling, and gripped it tightly in her right hand. She pressed the bottom of the staff to the ground, and closed her eyes.
Light guide me.
The ground below her began to shimmer, forming a glowing trial which lead through an opening between two large trees. Kelari followed warily, keeping her footsteps quiet.
As she passed through the opening, she came to a large patch of grass, surrounded by few trees. There lay a figure, gasping and crying, the trail of light stopping at their feet. Kelari approached the figure, eager to release the injured from their pain.
The nightelf was curled, arms wrapped tightly around their middle. Kelari gasped and felt her heart twist as she came face to face with a difficult decision.
Can I give mercy to an enemy? Is she my enemy? What if I was found out?
The nightelf continued to cry out, writhing around on the ground in a disturbing manner,
Kelari put her staff back in its hold, kneeled down and grabbed hold of the nightelf’s arm. She didn’t react, just continued groaning, seemingly un-phased by the fact that Kelari was a Blood elf.
Blood be restored and wounds be healed
CRACK
Kelari had taken a hard blow to the face, she had been ambushed. She fell onto her back, and clutched her face in agony, blood dripping through her fingers.
LIGHT
The pain ceased immediately, and Kelari shielded herself with light, absorbing her attackers second blow.
She leapt to her feet and faced her enemy, a human, shining in his plate attire and wielding a terrifying sword. Gritting her teeth as she focused, the warriors heavy swings tore at her shield, ripping at the magic desperately clinging to her skin. She threw her hands forwards and let out a surge of holy light, hitting the warrior in the chest and sending him a few feet backwards.
The “injured night elf” was now standing and watching Kelari battle the warrior, a disgusting smirk etched upon her pointy face. Kelari felt furious with the Night elf’s deceit and arrogance, but not as furious as she was at herself for being so naive.
So wrong
Kelari made a run for it, and dashed back through the opening in the trees, gasping for breath.
Everything felt darker, almost unrecognisable, as she ran and sought some sort of reassurance that she would live.
Loud footsteps followed her, their pace a lot faster and stronger than hers.
She spun around and threw her arms out once more, but the warrior knocked her to the ground.
He swung his heavy sword down at her, each swing bouncing off her shield. She could see him staring down at her, nothing but hate in his eyes. Fear began to take hold as she could feel his sword slowly peeling at her will.
Why did they trick me, why do they hunger for my blood?
Kelari screamed as she felt her shield burst, his sword rained down and narrowly missed her chest. She looked up at the warrior, knowing she was looking into the face of her killer. He lowered his sword and smirked, before calling out to the trees. He raised a foot and stamped on Kelari’s leg. She let out a sickening scream, the pain would not leave.
So tired
There was a rustling sound and the night elf approached from the trees. She stood over Kelari looking down at her spitefully.
“You are an abomination.” She hissed.
“I know why you like it here, you feel at home. Day in day out I see you here, crawling around.”
“You have no ancestry, you are a mutation and a perversion.”
The night elf spat.
Kelari was shivering with pain, the bone in her leg had most definitely been crushed. But the shivers eased as she felt an unusual feeling overcoming her. Anger.
Shadow
A retched stench filled the air as a disgusting fiend materialised from the ground, and lunged at the warrior, sinking its long fangs into his leg. He groaned and tried to swing his weapon, but the blade bounced off a surge of light Kelari has forced in his direction. He fell to the ground unarmed, the fiend ruthlessly knawing at his leg.
The night elf took one look at the shadow fiend and fled into the tress.
Kelari worked through the pain in her leg, and rose to her feet. She picked up the warriors sword with both hands, and tossed it into a nearby bush. She watched the warrior struggle for a few seconds, before commanding the fiend to stop.
His legs were completely mangled, blood spilled onto the grass which was littered with pieces of skin and muscle. She looked down at him, he was screaming with pain. She waited until he looked back at her
This is mutation
She left the warrior to his death, questions answered.
Post by
355559
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Simples
I liked this, and my only real critique is that the quotes get kinda brickish, you might want to try putting a space between them.
I'm hoping the others read this by the way.
Thanks for the feedback. I will edit my post and try to fix the layout :)
Post by
Monday
A couple things I noticed:
There were a non-capitalizations, make sure you get those
You would put a period at the end of a piece of dialogue, then capitalize the pronoun.
Example: “You are an abomination.” She hissed.
should be: “You are an abomination,” she hissed.
But don't let my nitpicking get at you, it was very good overall. I enjoyed it.
Post by
Mojoworkn
Thanks for the feedback. I will edit my post and try to fix the layout :)
I'm not sure how it read before you editted it, but the quotes were definitely easy to read! As a whole, I really liked the piece. It was very concise and descriptive, not leaving me confused for one moment. I especially liked the battle scene, very nice.
There are a few critiques that I'm going to give you (take these lightly, not everything I say is "bad" it's just something that you could look at and decide if you could improve upon it :).
For one, I would suggest running this through a word processor, such as Microsoft Word or Pages. I believe a lot of your spelling and grammar mistakes could be caught that way.
I also felt that the piece was a tad rushed and the action forced. That doesn't mean that you need to add more description, but I do think some parts could either of been "elongated" (not necessarily in length) or shortened to take out some of the unnecessary bits.
Other than these two things though, I thought it was a well thought out story. Welcome to L&RP! :)
Post by
Simples
Thanks for all the feedback, this is the first tiem I've dared reveal my writing to anyone I didn't know!
It was written at about 5am, I was awake all night and got a sort of creative surge. I suffer from writers block sometimes, so it may appear rushed because I was trying to throw out all my thoughts before they dissapeared haha!
But thankyou, really.
I will be working on a warrior piece shortly :) - A challenge to me as I have always been more into magic.
Post by
856816
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
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