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An old story, by an old friend.
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Post by
Exterm
Ruznumba was his name, roleplaying was his game.
This was not made by me, but an old friend I used to be in a guild with and heres his story, all credits to him. Enjoy.
He was a strong-headed child. He always knew the right things. Ruznumba (Or Jacob Deiston, since that was his name when he was alive) was born just east of Stormwind, in the mountains of northern Elwynn. His mother, Karenna Deiston, and father, paladin Gregor Deiston, were very loving.
He had no siblings and the only other children were in the nearby town of Goldshire. He would often walk to Goldshire with his father when he went to the blacksmith there. His best friend, Krystal, was a human girl the same age as him. They would go hunting together with their fathers from time to time. She also sat next to him during schooling. During his adolescent and teenager years he began training as a paladin, just like his father. Krystal also was training as a paladin and they were assigned to the same instructor. It wasn’t long after they turned 15 that he and Krystal started dating. They didn’t know it, but they were meant to me from the first time they met. They were deeply in love with each other. When they weren’t training or working (Jacob was a journeyman alchemist, Krystal a cook) they were together.
When he became an adult it was hard to miss what happened next. Jacob and Krystal got married. They settled down on a farm they bought in Westfall. In their early 20’s, they had their first child, Belmane, a strong male. Their second child came 3 years later, Serena, was a gifted female magician. They were a happy family. When the kids were in their 20’s and they left off to start families of their own and to provide with their jobs (Belmane was a Rogue in Si:7 and Serena was a Grand Mage)Jacob had been out of service for years but he was called to service to the hellish, broken planet of Outland, formerly Draenor. He was in service for five years before he was slaughtered by demons trying to invade Azeroth through The Dark Portal. He was sent back home to be buried on his farm.
50,000 years into the future. Azeroth has been shaken. Mortals are struggling to survive. Jacob rests in his coffin on his farm. A necropolis has suddenly appeared over his farm. It was none other than Voltanaras, home to Nimorrax-the leader of the Forbidden. Four necromancers came from Voltanaras searching for bodies to raise for The Forbidden’s army. Jacob’s family has long been gone. They had moved and eventually died back at Krystal’s home in Elwynn. So the only body they found on the farm was Jacob’s. They brought the coffin back to Voltanaras and raised Jacob. He was “born” again with the memories he had before he died.
When he was given back life he yelled, “NOOOOooooo!” That was what he had said when he was slaughtered. He was now undead. He was talked to by Dethok, the Leader of the Necromancers, himself. Dethok explained to him where he was, told him that he was now a necromancer in The Forbidden, and gave him the name of Ruznumba. He was given a tome full of spells and curses, seeing as he was a paladin and not a spellcaster. Once they returned to the Plagued City he took up residence near the necropolis construction site. He lives there now in a never ending life, waiting for his time of duty…to serve...and conquer.
Post by
Exterm
Oh and by the way. He doesn't play anymore due to, well unmentionable reasons. So this is one of the only ones he ever wrote.
Post by
576272
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Exterm
Intresting little story he had. It could make to a great start in a great fan fic.
Actually this was kind of already based off one, which I don't want to post a link to because of "Advertising".
Post by
Exterm
Well if you want to read the original one I guess you could search google or something...mabye *Cough* Deathbringer Chronicles *Cough* /shifty.
Post by
Orranis
I want to read it, but I suggest you paragraph it first.
Post by
Exterm
Happy now?
Post by
Orranis
I already had an idea of making a Warcraft 40,000 type RP, but I wanted it to feel much more different. No more same Forsaken we were used to, and no more same Necropolises. Way different.
While I like the concept, there's a few writing mistakes that became confusing as to whether they were part of the plot or not, like They didn’t know it, but they were meant to me from the first time they met.
Other than that, there were a few plot holes, namely how his corpse remained preserved over forty thousand years.
The main problem was, I felt, that the writing was too bland. An author, especially an other of fiction, is supposed to show us things, not tell us them. It all seems to be "he was this, and this happened, which lead to this." You never give us any description or poetic metaphor, which makes it, to be blunt, boring. The best example of this would be using brackets in your writing, because it makes us feel like were reading an abridged academic biography which needed some extra context, rather then a colorful, deep, and affecting story. I think your really big problem with this was that it was too short to include any of these.
Overall, 65/100. Good concept, good effort, bad execution.
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