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Post by
Adamsm
after finally heeding the call of the earth and expressing his gratitude, his life on the path of the shaman began, from the earth he recieved yet another gift, a shard of rock, light as a feather, hard as mithril, and yet on the hands of shakduhn alone the rock seemed softer, maleable.
from this shard he crafted his first totem of the earth, a permanent and visible symbol of his conection with the land, and also from it he carved the head of his weapons.
the twin hammers Garn and Gleiph carved from the first shard of earth given to him by the earth spirit, both his most priced posetions and his most deadly weapons, each shaped like a wolf's head, each a hammer that on his hands were forces to be reckoned with.
That is a little sue-ish rankkorr, the mystical "special rock/metal" can be a bit much. But beyond that, it's a good outline for an rp toon, might want to flesh him out a little. Usually when I create someone, I just sorta add in what I would if I was writing a story, I did that for Flight of a shaman after all, took my post's about Azor Windfury from Twilight of the Gods and put it together into a short tale.
Post by
Rankkor
humm If I remove the maleable part and leave it as a common (but rather sturdy) type of rock from wich he carved both the totem and the hammers would that reduce the sue-ish part?
(my main concern was the childhood background xD, since many sues usually start with their parents killed, and being survivors of some disaster)
oi that's a good idea, I did placed a small mini-story on twilight of the gods, but wasn't able to develop it completely, I may recompile what I wrote there, add the pieces that I did came up with and never posted, and put it all as a small short story.
Post by
150529
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Honorus
Character name: Adaro
Class: Death Knight
Eversong Woods:
On a sunny summer day, Adaro was born in the green forest of Eversong Woods. His family consisting of his dear mother Tumya, his father Aretu and his sister Eraslia, was from the beginning very supportive and proud of their young son who dreamed of being a true paladin of Quel'Thalas. Already in his young age he showed exceptional skills in mastering both weapons and the force of the light. At his 17th birthday, the invasion of Quel'Thalas begun. His father, Aretu the mage were one of the first to be killed, Adaro was called in to defend his beloved people. The paladin showed incredible strength and held off many scourge invaders. One day, when he and his comrades were on a recon patrol they stumbled into an ambush. These brave five young men fought bravely but was killed by the evilness of the scourge. The Lich King saw great power in the fallen paladin and ressurected him to be one of his Death Knights.
Acherus the Ebon Hold:
He woke up, reawaken. He felt nothing but an eager will to serve his new master, the Lich King. He showed no mercy and slayed all Scarlet citizens who would came in his path. His strength was quickly put to use and he even performed an attack at the Scarlet city from a Frostbrood Vanquisher. By succeeding, he won the great honor to fight alongside Highlord Darion Mograine at the battle of Light's Hope Cathedral. The attack did not ended up in the Lich King's favor and he together with many others were freed from the scourge. He did not choose to be a knight of the Ebon blade, he prefered revenging upon the Lich King by himself.
Outland:
He was back! He rode through Orgrimmar as a true member of the horde, quickly he headed over to Outland to gain experience in combat before picking up the fight with the scourge.
He fought for Thrallmar, driving back the Legion from Hellfire, traveled along Outland, visited the natice orc tribe Mag'Har, gaining honor forever by his glorios victory at the Ring of Blood and many other great deeds. He said to himself that he was now ready to fight himself through Northrend and revenge upon the Scourge!
Northrend:
Finally, he reached the continent of hatred. The continent where also the source for his biggest hatred lied. Northrend. The cold winds teared on his bones, but he bravely defended his newly found allies in Borean Tundra against the forces of the blue Dragonflight. He gained many friends, some of the Kirin Tor. He moved on with incredible speed through Dragonblight, fought the Scourge of Azjol-Nerub and An'haket. Learned about the native races culture, fighting the Frenzyheart of Sholazar... When he finally gained enough strength, he and his comrades headed into the scourge fortress of Naxxramas, defeating many evil commanders of the scourge. The betrayor Kel'Thuzad were slayed, and many others would later fall for his axe after him.
The End.
Well, Im kind of skipping my Ulduar raiding, I want to focus more on revenging upon the scourge, I didnt feel like squeezing For the Horde in there either. However, hope you liked it even if its a bit short :)
Post by
Sorjin
Char: Sorjin
Race: Forsaken
Affiliation: Horde
Class: Mage
Server: Hyjal
* The day was bright, the seven foot living corpse moved across the battle ground, laughing, raw mana congealed around him in the form of a shield, his glowing black eyes scanning the snow covered grounds, his sword held in its sheath on his hip his hand rested on it as he spun his wand in his other hand, his long black hair pulled into a neat ponytail, his pallid white skin clung to his cold bones as he shifted and stretched, waiting for the word from his brother to attack *
Char: Draugadróttinn ( in game name draugadrotti due to letter max for names )
Race Forsaken
Affiliation: horde
Class: Death Knight
Server: Hyjal
(( unfortunately due to a lack of funds if you look me up on this char, its a Tauren do to guildies saying it make a better tank and i cant race change yet ))
* He moved fast running low his heavy black armor clanking on his rather large seven foot frame, his eyes glowing a cold icy blue under his heavy helm, he smirked as his cloak fluttered behind him, his broad shoulders twisted so his hands can pull off his twin swords spinning them, as he dropped down and slide behind a bank of snow, the growl that came from his ghoul as it dropped in next to him, sniffing the air, Drot's hand moved out and patted its head as he waved it off and it went towards the large walls attacking the Scarlet Crusader at a large ballista prep-in to fire it *
* the crusader turned in time to let out a gasp of surprise as the ghoul pounced and ripped its claws throw the armor of the crusader and rip out some of its innards, the crusaders partner came back then carrying a few mugs of hot mead for the cold day to warm them, he yelped and turned to call for help when chains appeared around his neck and tightened dropping him down his hands scrambling for them to pull them off, he died soon after as Drot toke his head off with a simple flick of his wrist *
* Sorjin moved up, stepping over the ghoul gnawing on its prize and his brother enjoying a good warm meal waving his hand denying his brothers offer to share, he moves off to look around the corner and sighs * brother why are we here? anything in particular or just for your blood lust? * Drot looked up and chuckled and stood moving forward and glanced around the corner and looked at his brother * dear Sorjin...is my blood lust such a bad reason to kill members of the scarlet crusade? * Sorjin laughed and nodded softly * good point, shall we then? * Drot laughed and spun around the corner and charged in sending his necrotic energy out to boil the blood of people around as Sorjin raised his hands into the air, calling his arcane energy's down to form a blizzard of ice shards and hail as his brother laughed slicing and killing people *
(( tell me what yall think
Post by
atkrei
whats a sue?
Post by
Adamsm
whats a sue?
Mary Sue.
I'm also thinking of changing for his sister's family, having him send them off once the Scourge war began, so he isn't actually in Lordaeron at the time of the fall of Silvermoon and Dalaran.
Post by
Sorjin
( so here i am random thoughts pounding thro my head and i want to know where i can post something more true to form for the forsaken, something really not PG i mean if i can post something like that here i would love the chance to but i don't want to do it and be out of line or anything )
Post by
Adamsm
What do you mean Sorjin?
Post by
Skreeran
I think he's asking if he can post something that's more than PG rating. And if that's the case, I'd say that this forum is around PG-13 in rating, sometimes a little higher (for example, no one with object to a beheading on this forum), but graphic sexuality is forbidden. Implied tends to be okay though, as long as it's used tastefully and sparingly.
If it's like R rating worthy, I'd post it on Deviantart or something with more lax rules instead. I got some disturbing crap on mine... :P
Post by
Sorjin
while i was thinking something about a implied stabbing, i was reading the wow wiki and its not outside of the range of a forsaken to do something like that, but i think i can tone it down to pg13-1/2 but no worry's i wouldn't post anything in the area of nc17, not that i don't think it up, and sometimes...i disturb my friends with it
Post by
Achloryn
sure, why not. this is the character I use in game.. first time i'd gone into any real in-depth RP ever.
Name
: Vashon (i haven't decided on his last name yet.)
Race
: Human
Class
: Warlock.
Vashon originally hails from the city of Stratholme, where he his mother and father lived, formerly they were mages of the Kirin Tor, but had decided to leave Dalaran on amicable terms. Vashon had shown an aptitude for magic when he was younger, and his parents fostered this some. When the plague struck Stratholme, he was on his way to Stormwind to visit some distant relatives who lived there. He had also considered speaking with the mages there to garner favor for apprenticeship. The news of Stratholme's destruction had reached Stormwind before Vashon had, but it didn't take him long to find out after he reached the city's walls. The loss of his family and childhood friends did not react well with him. He never met with his relatives. He never met with the mages. He spent the majority of his money on alcohol going from tavern to tavern. He became somewhat of an outlaw as the magic started turning inward on him and threatening to destroy him.. He had been known to inadvertently caused several fires while extremely intoxicated. He was going mad until one blindly drunk night he staggered into the Slaughtered Lamb and met the man who was to become his mentor and trainer.
During the time he was studying he met a young night elf priestess. She was different than most of those of her kind. She knew what he was, and didn't seem to care at all. They quickly became enamored with each other in spite of the... taboo laid down from her superiors in even associating with a warlock. They were travelin together when they ran afoul of a group of scarlet crusaders. The scarlets, being who they are, did not take kindly to his presence. In their attack, the priestess was killed, but Vashon managed to survive and escape.
okay, so i haven't finished the story line just yet.. that's as far as i've gotten without taking a huge chronological gap (into where I actually started playing him).
Post by
Sorjin
( ok here we go ))
* eastern kingdom smelled, he stood in Lordaeron, watching the sky to the east, Stratholme burned there, the cloud of smoke rose above the bounder mountains, into the sky like a sacrifice to a dark god, the wind was coming just right to bring it, and the smell of burning decaying flesh *
* he chuckled looking up at Lordaeron's courtyard statue broken above the legs, he sighed and turned looking out to the northeast remembering that day so long ago and not for the first time, the low hung storm clouds now cover the sky making it a eternal dusk, he laughed, that smell never left the air, he stood from the bench he sat on and turned to look up the steps, the queen had ordered the portal stone, he remembered the day it was put in, bright, hurt the eyes, but he helped the other mage's with the enchanting of the lingering port *
* he moved out and patted the horned skeletal horse, a smile coming to his lips as he leaned in running his white pallid lips against its smooth skull and grabbed the rains working up into the seat, he smiled and snapped the rains and the mount kicked, lifting its front half into the air, its shifting flame feet pawed at the air its jaw opening letting out a weeny that shrilled the air and sounded like the scream of a dieing animal and toke off, turning sharply right and heading north *
* the hooves beat the ground, he saw the fires of the argent dawn block aid, he smirked and rode up, seeing a new knight on the line, a young orc warrior, he came up to a stop and kicked the horse, the cry filling the air, the paladin falls back wide eyed, as the horse came back down to paw the ground letting out a deep growl, my glowing eyes shining tho my eye lids as i blink down at the coward, slipping off the saddle, my cloak flows tho the air, my feet hit the ground silently as i kneeled down in-front of the boy, my lips curling back into a snarl as i rose to my full height, shoulder high to a Tauren's, i let out a dark bubbling laugh and the boy shivered and wet him self, as the rest of the knights let lose, the watch captain moving over " SORJIN...you old maggot feast " my eyes shifted to meet his as i nodded my voice urged from my body as i formed it to use the lungs " Falasha it has been to long " i stepped forward and toke the mans proffered gauntlet, my jaw moves slightly " how is my favorite meal doing today " i snarled again causing him to laugh " come lets sit " he turned and i followed *
* it was later that night when i moved away from the fire, to my own thoughts, humans, preoccupied with procreation and killing anything different from them, i felt happy my own child never became one of those flesh covered fascists, the wind shifted and i heard something in the woods, my hand slipping into my cloak pulling out my ward, sending my energy into it to cause it to dull, to not dilute the darkness and shadows i exist in, my other hand pulled the sword i carry, from its sheath, my feet moved forward, walking softly, then i heard the noise again and i stopped, dropping down, i smirked, a druid, night elf by the colors, and size, the horns on the cat shined, along with its teeth as i crouched and hunted, it began its change, in a second or 2 it shifted, a tall beautiful night elf female, lithe and dressed in barely enough leather to cover her *
* i watched as she looked around and smirked pulling out some things to set up the area, i waited, watching, before i moved out of hiding, knife held in my hand, she must have been young in her training, she didn't turn as fast as i would of hoped, i had time to drop down and slice a foot along the back of her ankle, watching her drop to the forest floor, i smiled and my eyes narrowed, starring down at her as she scrambled to get back, i could see her trying to think of her spell to defend against me, i shifted and drove my knife into her, below her gut, letting it pass on into the liver, i flicked my head, my black hair flipping as i pulled back the knife, running the tip down her flesh below the wound smirking, before i found the spot i wanted, driving my blade in again, listening to hear screams fill the night, i smiled and kept it up until i heard a horse, her screaming had stopped, i think she ran out of lung power, her eyes still watching me with fear, and horror, i stood up slowly and turned, smirking and vanishing into the shadows *
* i watched as he rode up and dropped off the horse, looking at her corpse, his gauntleted hand pulling his helmet off, his blond hair falling into his face, i smirked, a human paladin, badge of Lordaeron on his chest,
he dropped the helmet " Vittoria? " he dropped down to his knees reaching for her extended hand, taking it, cringing at the sight of all her blood around her, her lips moved, trying to warn her lover i was still here, but she couldn't speak, voice raw from earilyer, he leaned in, stupid, i stepped out and he looked up to late, for my foot to catch him, he shot off his knees and onto the ground, and began to get up, i jumped her body and grabbed his sword before he did, i spun quick driving it into his shoulder and into the tree behind him, smirking before i stood, and turned, walking back to what i was doing before he blundered along *
* it was nearly dawn when i came from the woods, working a hand throw my wet hair and i smiled my snarl, Falasha stood and stretched " wondered off for a bath stinky? " i chuckled and bowed " wanted to be a role-model for cleanliness...plus i needed one after i found dinner for my self " i reached into my cloak and pulled out my dragon hide bag * got enough left over for everyone to have some " i laughed as i got patted on the back, a young orc taking the bag and goes to work cooking the fresh meat *
(( if its to strong tell me and i will remove it, i hope you enjoy it tho ))
Post by
Skreeran
Definitely not too strong. Like I said, I've beheaded people in some of my stories. Violence generally doesn't have limits on this forum, so your only restricted by the limits of your own depravity. :P
But there are other problems with your story that I feel I should point out. For one, it always helps to use proper capitalization and spelling. Second, and more importantly, you switch back and forth between third person perspective and first person, and that can be pretty jarring to the reader.
Post by
Sorjin
yeah, i was kinda high on my pain pills last night i am gonna go thro it once i finish up my daily's and see if i cant fix it
there that should do it, if it dont, point out my problems, anything to help me work on my flow and stuff
Post by
166613
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Skreeran
he chuckled looking up at Lordaeron's courtyard statue broken above the legs, he sighed and turned looking out to the northeast remembering that day so long ago and not for the first time, the low hung storm clouds now cover the sky making it a eternal dusk, he laughed, that smell never left the air, he stood from the bench he sat on and turned to look up the steps, the queen had ordered the portal stone, he remembered the day it was put in, bright, hurt the eyes, but he helped the other mage's with the enchanting of the lingering portThat there is 3rd person perspective. (He did this, she did that, it went crazy, etc.)
the hooves beat the ground, he saw the fires of the argent dawn block aid, he smirked and rode up, seeing a new knight on the line, a young orc warrior, he came up to a stop and kicked the horse, the cry filling the air, the paladin falls back wide eyed, as the horse came back down to paw the ground letting out a deep growl,And that is the end of your 3rd person. You actually shift to 1st person (I did this, my head exploded, etc.) mid sentence. my glowing eyes shining tho my eye lids as i blink down at the coward, slipping off the saddle, my cloak flows tho the air, my feet hit the ground silently as i kneeled down in-front of the boy, my lips curling back into a snarl as i rose to my full height, shoulder high to a Tauren's, i let out a dark bubbling laugh and the boy shivered and wet him self, as the rest of the knights let lose, the watch captain moving over
Post by
166613
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Sorjin
oh ok yeah sorry, it never occurs to me, yeah i will fix that and re-post it here so it can be read brand new
Post by
166613
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
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