World of Warcraft Patch 10.10
“Ten Fast Ten Spurious”
April 1, 2023

Senior Chief Executive Lead Producer’s note: Please do not post this anywhere outside of our internal documentation where we have the full notes for the next dozen patches all completely written in advance. Please. I’m begging you to keep your fingers off the copy/paste keys. Please protect our perfect record of never leaking any content in advance.

Our Social Media Team has provided us with the following statement:

We’d like to thank the WoW development team for giving us the opportunity to take over all aspects of the creation and service of World of Warcraft. It’s been a blast being in control of literally everything, and we’d like to think we’ve done as good a job at making all decisions as the eSports Team did before us.

Features

New Raid: Drop Zone Maverick

It’s finally time to spend an entire raid Dragonriding. Yes, you read that correctly. Every centimeter of this raid zone is high in the air, and you’ve been called to come out of near retirement for one last mission in the sky. Take on dangerous enemies who aren’t ever really named or described, and if they shoot you down, just steal one of their dragons and keep going. Because you’re just that good!

New Dungeon Type: Meta-Dungeons

Introducing our very first arbitrarily restricted content! Only available to the top 8 specs in the game (as decided by random players running an addon), you’ll thrill to be lovingly guided by a completely silent group leader with an itchy kick-finger and a maniacal dedication to push-push-push like an obstetrician who has a plane to catch.

New Dungeon Type: Severed Instances

When you enter a Severed Instance Dungeon, another player takes over playing your character for the entirety of the dungeon, and you have no idea what they’re doing in there. When they’re done, you get your character back. Why do you have that scratch on your face now? Good luck figuring it out!

New Class: Food Reactionary

All races can now choose to be the new Food Reactionary class—a very common player you’re going to see everywhere you look. Food Reactionaries come in two specializations:

Cooktalkers, who watch food being made, and then react. Hopefully with lots of puns and wordplay. “More like ‘Hurricane Tortilla’.”
Chewtalkers, who taste food that’s surely cold by now, and then react. Hopefully with lots of groans and facial expressions. “I give it an 8.5 out of 10.”

Both Food Reactionary specs start out at level 1 without the ability to “go live” until they somehow convince 500 people to updoot their reactions. For some players, this will happen mysteriously fast, and for others, it will take months of grinding. Please do not lose sleep over this. We don’t have any control over the algorithm anymore.

Changes

The Swift Retribution talent no longer gives attack speed in PvP. Now when you kill another player, Swift Retribution causes your character to announce: “I’m the problem; it’s me”.
The player with the most gold is now required to purchase and operate General Chat.
Birb mounts can now talk, so you should mind what you say in front of them, and you should probably start wearing headphones when you watch TV.
All elf races are now eligible for the ‘Cotton-headed Ninny Muggins’ title.
Fixed a bug that prevented the Gnome and Goblin starting experiences from being short enough.
Fixed yet another bug with self-driving Dragons mysteriously crashing into clearly visible obstacles. This should really be the last one.
Solo players are now provided with gold, a long stick, and access to an exclusive in-game florist so that you can buy yourself flowers and write your name in the sand.
In the PTR for this patch, dataminers will see some evidence of upcoming content: Dual Classes. The working titles for our first few Dual Classes are:
- Paladin+Rogue - Blessing in Disguise
- Shaman+Rogue - Element of Surprise
- Warrior+Mage - Heroic Sheep
- Paladin+Death Knight - Judge Dead
- Druid+Hunter - Tame Yourself
- Monk+Druid - Fists of Furry
- Priest+Rogue - Holy Smokes
Tik Tok integration now automatically posts a video whenever your character falls from a lethal height, and those are going to get more views for you than any video of you talking, by a huge margin.
When doing the Community Feast in Azure Span, player-characters will now automatically respond to requests with “Yes, chef!” and yell “Corner!” and “Behind!” when walking behind another player.
- Developers’ notes: We kindly request that players stop asking us why there’s treasure hidden in the soup containers. We don’t know why. It really didn’t make sense.

Classes

Death Knight

New ability: Dead Lasso – Death Knights who activate their inner Dead Lasso quickly overcome a modest amount of adversity to find unbelievable success by grouping up with others.
Dark Command is now 30% darker. To compensate, Dark Command is now more of a suggestion.
Improved Death Strike has been replaced by an identical talent called New and
Improved Death Strike. You’ll love it!
Relish in Blood can now be supplemented by selecting Mustard in Blood.
Icebreaker is now 10% more effective at dinner parties.
Breath of Sindragosa is now 15% mintier.

Demon Hunter

Blur is now known for something other than Song 2.
To reduce the total size of game files, Will of the Illidari has been renamed Willidari.
Misery in Defeat can now also proc Misery in De Hands.
Thick Skin now allows you to withstand 20% more time on social media.
Pursuit is now 10% less trivial.
Spirit Bomb has been renamed Glitter Bomb and is now 150% more effective against package thieves.
Vulnerability is now 50% more effective in building a lasting relationship.

Druid

Barkskin is now worse than Biteskin.
Dash can now be used to hyphenate two words together.
Swipe can now be used Left or Right, depending on how attracted the player
is to the target.
Sudden Ambush is now 10% less redundant.
Cat’s Curiosity is now fatal, as intended.

Evoker

All abilities are now 10% more dragon-y.
Wing Buffet is now all-you-can-eat. Please note that Evokers will be asked to kindly depart after 90 minutes.
Tyranny now applies taxation to the target without representation.
Graceful Stride is now 30% less likely to be broken. Nobody’s gonna slow you down. Oh no! You’ve got to keep on movin’.
Fixed a bug preventing Return from starting a new line of text, as intended.
Fixed a crash caused by Eternity Surge going on forever. Sheesh.

Hunter

Survival has been redesigned to use only offhand weapons.
Call Pet has been redesigned to keep up with the times and has been
renamed Text Pet.
Misdirection now increases the success rate of magic tricks by 50%.
Camouflage is no longer visible in the Talent Tree.
Bullseye is now only available to Tauren Hunters.
The Ruthless Marauder talent is now available to characters named Ruth.

Mage

Blink now has 182 charges.
Overflowing Energy will now be stored in a sippy cup.
Shimmer has been renamed to Shimmer Shimmer Ya Shimmer Yam Shimmer
Yay.
Evocation has been moved to the Evoker class to prevent confusion.
Remove Curse no longer removes curses.
Removed the word “remove” from Remove Curse; it is now called Curse.
Curse removed.

Monk

Fixed a bug where the Monk could work out all day every day and become so powerful that they defeat all enemies with just one punch.
Leg Sweep has been improved and is now called Leg Swiffer.
Dampen Harm has been renamed Moisten Harm.
Monks who complain about their secondary resource can now earn the new Achievement “Enjoy Some Whine with Your Chi”.
Essence Font is now available in Times New Roman.

Paladin

Word of Glory has been replaced by a new ability called Excel of Glory.
Judgment is now 20% less judgmental.
Cleanse now also exfoliates.
The Blinding Light talent has now been revved up like a deuce, a holy roller in
the night.
The Seasoned Warhorse talent is now available in chipotle and cool ranch horse flavors.
Art of War has grown up so much and would prefer to be called Arthur.
Execution Sentence has been identified as a run-on sentence and will be split
into two separate abilities once developers can establish a new predicate.

Priest

Power Infusion now auto-targets the player in your group who sent you the most gold before raid. You’re welcome.
Levitate is now 20% more annoying when cast on party members randomly.
New ability: Holy Word: Schnikes – Call upon the power of road trips to save
Callahan Auto.
Answered Prayers has been updated so that it now sometimes gives you money, since that’s all you ever seem to ask for anyway.
Gnome priests who choose to both heal and deal damage are now known as Compact Discs.

Rogue

All boots that rogues can equip are now called sneakers.
Audacity now causes you to confidently comment on posts that are far outside of your field of understanding.
Sprint has been moved far away from Marathon on the talent tree, and requires much less carb loading.
The cost of Cheap Shot has been increased, due to inflation.
The Assassination specialization has been renamed Combat.
Roll the Bones now uses 20 sided dice.
Pick Pocket is now 50% less effective as very few mobs carry cash anymore

Shaman

Bloodlust can no longer be cast when the raid leader calls for Heroism.
Liquid Magma Totem must now be read aloud in the voice of Dr. Evil.
The Enhancement specialization has been enhanced and should no longer be referred to as merely hanced.
Far Sight can now be corrected with bifocals.
The Restoration specialization has been watered down.

Warlock

No changes necessary; possibly forever.

Warrior

Hamstring now can now be selected as a vegan option called Impossible Hamstring.
The Frothing Berserker talent is now 30% more frothy.
The Titanic Rage talent can now be used near, far, or wherever you are.
Intimidating Shout can no longer be used by Gnomes.
Demoralizing Shout now utilizes those backhanded compliments you hate.

WoW Classic

New Profession: Weaving

By popular demand, we’re adding a new profession to WoW Classic. Weavers can level up through many original classic skills such as clamweaving and bearweaving to unlock powerful new abilities such as:

Meleeweaving
Realmweaving
Weaveweaving

At max level, Weaving becomes the only thing you do in combat. Please see the WoW Classic subreddit for further instructions.

Developer’s note: Due to excessive Clam farming for Weaving, we feel compelled to place a sanctuary effect on the Otter enclosure.