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The Laws of Hunter
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Post by
Interest
So back on the WoW Official side, there was a legendary thread called "The Laws of Hunter" that originally came out sometime several years ago. It was gradually revised and became the bible of all good Hunters everywhere.
With the destruction of the old WoW Official forums, I have decided to repost this gem here in hopes it will gain a little notoriety =P.
For the record, I don't remember who made this, but I think a bit of memory jogging will help. So if you were the one who made this piece of epicness, please speak up.
Wrath rules (sorry, they were the only ones I saved):
1. In the beginning was the breakfast cereal.
2. Never fight anyone who has a clue what they're doing.
3. Feel free to exclude any and all squishies from the above.
4. Not my fault if you get pwnt.
5. Frostmourne is a hunter weapon.
6. Druids should be tamable.
7. You are still a ninja at heart.
8. Law 8. Now with 50% more bran.
9. 50% of all hunters are huntards.
10. The rest are gold farmers.
11. Marksmanship > Survival
12. Survival > Marksmanship
13. Beast Mastery = lol
14. Contradicting me is punishable by being lynched by a gnome. On a rabbit. Wearing a tu-tu.
15. Everyone hates rogues, but even Jeebus hates Death Knights.
16. Your non-heart-of-the-phoenix-having pet will die when you need it most.
18. 17 does not exist.
18. There are still 2 #18s.
19. The cake remains a lie.
20. Everyone will always hate hunters.
21. Likewise, when your guild goes off to kill Arthas, leaving you behind, and they wipe from incompetence, you will STILL be blamed.
22. Your traps, feign death, and viper sting will always be resisted when you need them most.
23. Ironically, playing dead is still the best option.
24. Your friend's pet is still better than yours.
25. Your friend also has better gear.
26. And better talents.
27. In fact, your friend is better at everything than you.
28. Sucks to be you, don't it?
29. The below statement is false.
30. The above statement is true.
31. Any proc that can go off, will go off the second your target dies.
32. When you run out of ammo before the final boss, any and all engineers will have forgotten their vendorbots.
33. Misdirection is THE raid wiper.
34. 'Tis also the gnome killer. Even Horde can misdirect them.
35. Everything is a hunter weapon. Including gnomes.
36. Pie > Cake.
37. Warriors, Warlocks, Shamans, Death Knights, Mages, Rogues, Priests, Druids, and Paladins will always win the roll for your loot.
38. There are no all-Hunter arena teams above 1300. All that violate this shall be mauled by a mad Death Knight.
39. If Rogues do it from behind, Hunters do it from 40 yards away.
40. Mongoose bite will never be useful.
41. You will never have the best pet.
42. This remains the ultimate answer.
43. Your friends don't dance and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine.
44. Brag about achievements.
45. Brag about damage you deal during the Battle for the Undercity.
46. Brag about camping 30s in Hillsbrad.
47. Bragging will earn you eternal scorn.
48. Not FRAPSing a misdirection wipe is punishable by law.
49. There is no Cow Level.
50. Kiting isn't cheating, it's creative use of game mechanics.
51. Cheating is always considered creative use of game mechanics.
52. Kite big, angry mobs to soft, unsuspecting towns.
53. Only kite in the event your pet dies.
54. Kite whenever you can.
55. Attempting to kite a Death Knight is a terrible idea.
56. Kiting is for scrubs.
57. So are shot rotations.
58. Val'anyr is a hunter weapon.
59. Hunters will always win.
60. Hunters will always lose.
61. Hunters will always lose to Death Knights.
62. Everyone will always lose to Death Knights.
63. Attacking a hunter is punishable by law.
64. Actually, everything is punishable by law.
65. Don't daze me, bro.
66. EVIL.
67. Moo.
68. Evil moo.
69. All hunters are either Night Elves or Blood Elves.
70. Hypocrisy is a myth.
71. Being overpowered is a myth.
72. In other words, you were just killed by a figment of your imagination.
73. The Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and in fact, cannot speak.
74. In the event that it does speak, you are advised to disregard its advice.
75. Your passing shall not be mourned.
76. Despite hunters not getting a reroll ability, the Death Knight class is a good substitute.
77. There are no good hunters, only cheaters.
78. There are no bad hunters, only huntards.
79. Breaking CC is your job.
80. Therefore, even if you weren't there, that broken polymorph was still your fault.
81. You are the bane of everyone else.
82. Everyone else is the bane of you.
83. Hunters are rock. Blizzard is paper. Death Knights are sledgehammer. Paladins are now mushroom.
84. Behind every bad tank is a hunter.
85. There are no lies, only varying degrees of sarcasm.
86. Survival may or may not exist depending on your religion.
87. Canadian Bacon.
88. Hunters will never get stealth.
89. This is not the final law.
90. There is always someone worse than you.
91. Still not the final law.
92. The IWIN button is a myth.
93. Keep lookin'.
94. Ask for Salv, then say you don't have enough mana.
95. Ask for Wisdom, then say you keep pulling aggro.
96. When you cause the raid to wipe, blame the Paladin.
97. Not only will it not work, but you will also get kicked from the guild and be forever scorned by your server.
98. Everything a hunter does will earn them scorn.
99. Hunter itemization is no longer decided by a 3 year old. That person is now 4 years old.
100. This may or may not be the final law.
101. Do you know why it wasn't the final law?
102. 'Cause this is filler, filler night...
103. When a warlock's DoT breaks your freeze trap and the healer is murded, you will be blamed.
104. Hunters continue to spend more money on ammo and food than their mounts.
105. Everything in WoW is working as intended.
106. The next expansion will be released *Soon*.
107. Thou shalt not kill.
108. Thou is unable to anyway.
109. Thou shalt not steal.
110. That's the Rogue's job.
111. Our T8 gas mask is called foreshadowing.
112. Elves are for people who don't care for the opinions of others.
113. Warlocks are for people who like to fruitlessly fear a big red wolfy.
114. Engineering is for the pyromaniac in all of us. You know it's there.
115. Women and bovines first.
116. Always look on the bright side of life.
117. 'Cause I sure as hell won't.
118. Dragons will never be tamable.
119. Having one as a mount doesn't count.
120. Having a certain achievement does not make one leet. Everyone else already has it.
121. Aspect of the Pack is for raids only.
122. Female Dwarves are a myth.
123. Male Blood Elves are a myth.
124. An arrow a day keeps the rabbits away.
125. Spirit Beasts are a myth.
126. This is Sooba.
127. Bruce Campbell is forever long a hunter.
128. Distant lands are a terrible place to intervene.
129. Engineering has a device for everything. EVERYTHING.
130. Hunters are responsible for the Violet Hold bugging up.
131. There is no problem that can’t be solved without the proper application of gunpowder.
Original rules end here.
Post by
512617
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
Why is it that "If you liked it then you should have rolled need on it" popped into my head the second I clicked on this?
And now it's stuck in there. I hate you so hard right now...
Q Q Q. Q Q Q. Q Q Q. Q Q Q. Q Q Q. etc.
Ninja Raiders was the song I think.
Post by
170457
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
Waiting for Lanath to come in and pick apart every single point. ^_^
Haha. I hope he's stupid enough to try. Especially considering this isn't mine.
Post by
351628
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
I remember this thread, but can't help you with regards to the author. Oh, wait, look at Rule #126; it's clear that
Sooba
was responsible for the Laws of the Hunter.
_
Well, Blizzard broke Rule #88. We can haz steakth!
Nah. Just a reference. =D
Post by
141898
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
494341
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
170457
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
83. Hunters are rock. Blizzard is paper. Death Knights are sledgehammer. Paladins are now mushroom.
Hah.
The best part of the laws are they're almost all true in some sort of way despite the fact this thread was intended to be a joke initially.
Post by
389077
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
528207
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Monday
94. Ask for Salv, then say you don't have enough mana.
95. Ask for Wisdom, then say you keep pulling aggro.
96. When you cause the raid to wipe, blame the Paladin.
The sad thing is, I had these happen a couple days ago...
E: Well, modified. The hunter kept yelling at me for Salv. The tank asked for kings, so I put it on. The hunter then wanted might and kept yelling at me.
Post by
512617
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
6. Druids should be tamable.
My feral druid guild tank agrees with this, by the way. He really wants all the ridiculous bonuses that I could give him as my pet. Because feral bear tanks don't do _quite_ enough damage without kill command, and aren't _quite_ survivable enough without spirit bond, mend pet, cower, and so forth.
I'd totally be willing to spec beastmastery if I could have a feral druid as my pet though.
You're....joking right?
Bear tank damage is quite ridiculous (actually so are prot warriors and prot paladins)
Post by
512617
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
Interest, I think your sarcasm detector needs realignment.
I've been off the forums for a day.
Post by
matheus314
Interest, I think your sarcasm detector needs realignment.
I've been off the forums for a day.
That said...
6. Druids should be tamable.
Post by
ExDementia
88. Hunters will never get stealth.
Funny how this came true.
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